Read This: Five Ways We'd Fix NBC

I loved old NBC shows, and they were a great network for years. I really can't disagree with any part of this article.

Read This: Nintendo's New Type of Game

A great article from Kotaku about Nintendo's new game genre they both invented and perfected.

NES Replay: Mach Rider

While Nintendo may currently be shorthand for "bright-colored family-friendly games," that's not entirely fair. They've made their share of games for mature audiences, culminating in the bloody Japan-only Wii game Zangeki no Reginleiv. While Mach Rider isn't by any means a bloody game, it has a surprisingly grown-up premise and could conceivably appeal more to adults than children.

The reason, therefore, that Nintendo doesn't make more violent games isn't because they can't. It's just that their happy-go-lucky games sell better.

Mach Rider has a really cool premise: You're a motorcycle-riding, machine-gun-wielding post-apocalyptic warrior racing wildly through the wasteland while fending off attackers. It's a really fast racing game, and wholly out of character with what Nintendo stands for now. It's gritty. It's got guns and explosions. It's not bad.

Mach Rider has some flaws, for sure. First of all, there are far too many hazards on the tracks. There are oil slicks, water puddles, barrels along the side of the road that you can collide with and sharp turns, as well as enemy racers who are trying to get him killed. This is a game that demands that the player absolutely memorize the tracks in order to master them, but I could see someone getting really good at knowing just when to downshift into a turn and when to open up the throttle.

It's also way too easy to get Mach Rider killed. If you accidentally bump in to one of the rival motorcycle-riding baddies, they can kill you. You can try and shoot them down, but you can only shoot directly in front of you and you have limited bullets. Since there are so few straightaways, that means you're spraying everything with bullets and never really hitting your targets.

There's also a track creation feature, just like in Excitebike. However, just like Excitebike, this also used the Famicom Data Recorder that never made it to Western shores. You can create a track, but you can't save it.

However, Mach Rider is a technically impressive game. The racing is fast. I mean, really fast. It's shockingly fast for an NES launch game, and it shares similar DNA with Nintendo's later F-Zero for that reason. The physics feel the same, but F-Zero's track is wider and there are fewer hazards on the road.

Mach Rider also manages to evoke a feeling of desolation surprisingly well with its limited color pallette. Before I even knew what the premise of Mach Rider was, I immediately felt like I was playing The Road Warrior.

But Mach Rider never really got a chance to connect with audiences. Super Mario Bros. was so good and so popular that it overshadowed almost every other launch game. The success of Super Mario Bros. sealed the fate of lesser, grittier games like Mach Rider. There was no room for a post-apocalyptic motorcyclist in this new, candy-colored future.

So, Mach Rider was forced to forever ride his motorcycle into the sunset, cast aside by the future he no longer belongs to. The dirt cakes on his face, the chrome of his motorcycle glistens in the burnt-orange light of the setting sun. He rides on.

Final Rating:

Clu Clu Land On Wii U Virtual Console Today

Don't waste your money.

Why Did I Restart NES Replay?

A few people may be wondering why exactly NES Replay got restarted. I originally started going alphabetically, then stopped and rejiggered everything to go chronologically instead. This is weird to some, since there are a lot of NES reviewers around, and all of them are going alphabetically. Why can't I do that?

At first, my intentions were to just review the games like normal. "Is this a good game? Is this a bad game? Why or why not?"

As I began reviewing, though, I found that I couldn't just review each game in a vacuum. Some games were reactions to other games. Some games were amazingly innovative yet flawed. Some were horrible, horrible dreck that deserved to get dumped on. Either way, there was a wide variety of reasons that each game turned out the way that it did.

I started writing my e-book, NES Replay Vol. 1. It was supposed to contain the first 50 reviews along with histories and company profiles. None of it seemed to mesh, though. I was hopping around in time: Explaining why the Crash of 1983 happened, why the NES was important, then leaping ahead 10 years to an unrelated game, then jumping back to 1988, then reviewing a launch game. It was too scattershot, but I had already started my Kickstarter and there was no going back.

The final straw was when I sent the book to a friend of mine for editing. He started looking at it, and then I didn't hear from him for a week. I finally cornered him and he told me that it didn't make sense, that it needed to be chronological in order to fit.

I had to agree, and I got really bummed out. I had already sunk a year into this project, and now I'd have to start over?

Finally, I got my act together and dove back in. I'm having much more fun than I ever did before, and it's much easier to write each entry because they actually make sense.

There's one major problem: The rating system doesn't make sense anymore. The games can't be cleanly divided into "Good," "Middling," and "Bad". Since these aren't reviews in the classic sense, having a classic review system doesn't fit.

I looked through my previous reviews and realized that most every game falls into these categories:

The best of the best. Reserved for games that deserve permanent preservation.

Fun games that will make you smile.

They tried something new but it didn't quite come together.

Uninspiring at every level.

The worst of the worst. These games need to be baled together and burned like firewood.

So, for example, Adventures of Lolo 3 is a Classic. Kung Fu is Good. Anticipation is a Noble Failure. Ice Climber is Poor. The Adventures of Gilligan's Island is Awful. I'm going to go back through previous reviews and fix the ratings for each game, so that'll take some time.

So I hope that you understand why these changes were made, and I hope you continue following me onwards as we examine the NES. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to email me at lee (at) downwardscompatible.com.

Thanks!

NES Replay: Kung Fu

Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Released: October 1985

A lone man enters a dojo and fights his way through wave after wave of bad guys, climbing the stairs en route to an ultimate showdown. What am I describing? Game of Death? The Raid: Redemption?

Actually, I'm describing Kung Fu for the NES.

Kung Fu is one of the earliest beat-em-up games, if not the first. In a "beat-em-up" game, the character walks from screen to screen, fighting different opponents and knocking them senseless before continuing on to the next bunch of enemies. The emphasis in this genre is on timing and positioning while being aware of what enemies are in your surroundings.

This particular game was designed by Takashi Nishiyama, who eventually designed Street Fighter for Capcom. Later on, he left Capcom for SNK and developed their very successful fighting game division that remained the gold standard in fighting games for years. While Kung Fu is a beat-em-up game, you can clearly see the basic building blocks that would form the fighting game genre within. The player ducks and jumps to dodge attacks. By pressing the A or B buttons, you can kick or punch, and by pressing down while attacking, they can deliver low kicks and punches too.

It's a pretty solid little game, if a little difficult. In the first level, you have your basic cannon-fodder enemies that require one kick or punch to defeat and a few more difficult enemies. In the second level clay pots will drop from the ceiling and unleash small snakes or fire breathing dragons while you still have to fend off enemy attacks. You can leap up and kick the pots in midair. That's about as far as I could get.

As with most beat-em-up games, this is the kind of game requires a lot of time and practice to get right. That's a very good thing. It may be a little challenging, but once you get the timing down it feels pretty awesome blowing away a room full of kung fu goons with nothing but your flying fists.

The beat-em-up genre has fallen into disrepair, but for a while it was one of the most popular genres in gaming. What happened?

Beat-em-up games provide something very simple: A power fantasy. In a beat-em-up, you're one man (or woman) walking around a city and beating every single person in that city into submission without hesitation. They take a lot of practice, and they’re not easy, but with dedication and hard work you can obliterate an entire urban area. With punches.

The possible reason that this genre has fallen out of favor with gamers is because there are new power fantasies now. With the advent of the first-person-shooter genre, there's a new power sheriff in town, and he has giant guns and rocket launchers. Why punch something to death when you can perforate it with holes, then blow it up?

However, the beat-em-up isn't entirely gone, as it's been subsumed into different games and game genres. For example, fighting games have a healthy dose of the beat-em-up genome embedded in them, albeit on a one-on-one fashion. The Batman: Arkham series of games and Sleeping Dogs have taken the beat-em-up genre and absorbed it into action game trappings.

Still, let's remember games like Kung Fu. As we look at the beat-em-up genre throughout this series, we'll trace its path and see if we can figure out what future developers learned, and how the genre developed and changed over the years.

Final Rating:

How Did I Get A Virus On My Computer?

I spent years fixing computers, and the number-one question I always heard after a particularly nasty viral infection was, "How did the virus even get in there?" For the sake of propriety, we could never actually get too specific, but since I don't work for a computer store anymore, I no longer have such qualms. Here's how your computer got infected.

You did something.

Some people take it as a given that they will get a virus at some point, and when it happens they throw their hands in the air and say, "That's computers for ya! They have a mind of their own!"

No, they don't. You did something to get the virus into your computer.

Well, what did I do?

There are a few major places where they come in. Maybe you found a website that lets you download music for free, and a virus hitched along for the ride. Maybe someone went to a sketchy porn site. Maybe one of your kids played some "free" game that did it. Maybe someone downloaded a toolbar onto the computer. The point is, you did something.

But no one in my house did anything like that!

Yes they did.

No they didn't!

Yes, someone did.

But I know my family! They certainly wouldn't-

Look, look. We can go around on this for a while, but the truth is the truth. Someone did something. Viruses just don't happen.

Heck, it could have even been an accident! For example, a while ago my wife saw something about coupons online. She clicked on it, and it downloaded some weird coupon toolbar that was a pain to get rid of. These things happen, but the point is, someone did something.

But I have an antivirus program!

All right, is it a recent program?

I don't know!

Is it updated?

I'm not sure.

Who makes it?

I couldn't tell you! Why does it matter?

Just having an antivirus program isn't enough. There are always new viruses coming out, and if your computer doesn't have a recent program or isn't properly updated, you're in trouble.

Well, what's a good one?

There a few free ones I recommend: Avast and Microsoft Security Essentials. There are other antivirus programs that cost money, but if you're responsible you shouldn't have a problem.

Responsible? What do you mean?

Some people make the mistake of looking at an antivirus program as a "get out of jail free" card. They think, "I have an antivirus program! Nothing bad can ever happen to my computer ever!" It's not really like that.

Think of an antivirus program as your immune system. It does a lot of stuff in the background that you don't really notice, and it's fairly reliable. However, if you go rolling around in a vat of rusty plague needles, your immune system can't help you.

In the same way, your antivirus program is there to help you against normal, everyday stuff. But if you engage in risky behaviors, you'll get an infection.

But I went to this sketchy site one time and nothing happened!

Congratulations! One time I fell out of a tree and didn't break any bones! That doesn't mean I'm going to climb the tree and fall out of it again, though.

But-

Dude, NO.

The worst offenders are those people who do something risky, get a warning from their antivirus program, then proceed to turn their antivirus program off and do the risky thing anyway just because "they wanted to go to that site." Seriously, what is wrong with you people?

I get it, fine, I'll be more careful. Anything else I can do to stop infections?

Run Windows Update.

But one time Windows Update totally destroyed my computer! And this one time, a friend of mine said that they ran Windows Update, and then their cat died!

Windows Update by itself isn't going to ruin anything. Maybe one out of every thousand updates is going to have some minor problem that Microsoft rolls back immediately, certainly not enough to justify turning it off.

Aside from Windows Update, run other updates on your computer. If something like Adobe Reader, Adobe Flash Player or Java asks you to update, update it. For the love of God, please update it.

Why?

Because people are constantly trying to break into those programs. The manufacturers see a flaw that can be exploited, and then fix the flaw. If you're not updating the program, the flaws remain. So, just update the dang programs, all right?

Anything else I should keep in mind?

Yes. If someone fixes your computer and cleans off the infections, any recurring infection is not their fault. I want to make that clear. People have been conditioned to think of viruses as normal, every day wear and tear on their computer, and that perception needs to change.

Basically, it's the difference between getting your car's oil changed and getting into a car accident. The oil on your car needs to get changed regularly, and it's a part of scheduled maintenance. If your car's oil is changed and then it starts dripping oil, you could rightfully go back to the garage and complain.

However, if you get into a car accident, take the car to the garage and get it fixed, then get into another car accident, it's not the garage's fault. If you keep getting into car accidents, maybe you should be a better driver.

Similarly, stuff like updates is part of the regular maintenance of your computer. Viruses are not. If you keep getting viruses on your computer, take a hard look at what you're doing online and see if you can't figure out where you're going wrong.