I Have The Most Beautiful Baby In The World

Just a heads up, everyone? It's official: I have the most beautiful baby in the world. Sorry, everyone who thought they did.

His name is Ethan Alexander, he's 6 pounds, 8 ounces, and he was born last night. Mom and baby are resting comfortably.

NES Replay: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Heroes of the Lance

Developer: U.S. Gold
Publisher: SSI
Released: 1991

We sincerely appreciate your interest in applying as a playable character in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Heroes of the Lance. We are an equal-opportunity game and welcome playable characters of all races, deities and alignments.

Please fill out this short questionnaire, and one of our representatives will follow up with you at a later date if we are interested in procuring your services.

1) What is your opinion on bland, endless mazes?
a) I like them
b) I love them
c) Can't get enough of them

2) Do you feel that missing your opponents more often than hitting them is an acceptable thing in action role-playing games?
a) Absolutely
b) Most definitely
c) Of course

3) If someone else in your party takes damage, is it fair that you also take damage, even though you're not onscreen?
a) That sounds right
b) Sure
c) That's a great feature

4) Do you like playing action games where it makes more sense to not fight against your opponents because you don't get anything anyway and you can barely ever hit them?
a) Such fun!
b) I appreciate that on a personal level
c) That is my dream, I wrote it down in my dream journal the other day, I'm serious

You really don't want to ask
what's happening in this picture.

Essay Portion:

Situation 1: You are approaching an enemy and are in combat. The person controlling you presses the attack button, expecting you to use your weapon against the enemy. Why do you have a moral imperative not to attack, even though they expressly told you to?

Situation 2: A small dwarf approaches you and tries to kill you. Why is it acceptable to swing your weapon above the dwarf's head instead of trying to actually hit him?

Situation 3: You have killed an enemy despite your best efforts. You do not receive any experience points. Describe the convoluted mental and programming processes that would somehow lead to a kill not providing you with any experience points ever.

Once again, we thank you for your interest in being a playable character in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Heroes of the Lance! If we have interest in your application, we will scry for you and send one of our imps to your location in order to conduct a formal interview.

Have a great day and we wish you the best of luck in the future!

Final Rating:

Next Week: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Hillsfar

Wii U Details Released!

All right, here's the skinny from Nintendo on the Wii U launch.

• The Wii U will be released on November 18th in two bundles: One for $299 and one for $349.

The $299 bundle is the "basic" model. It's white, has the GamePad, HDMI cable and AC adapter. The $349 bundle is the "deluxe" model. It's black, has the GamePad, charging cradle, HDMI cable, AC adapter and a copy of NintendoLand.

So is that too much for a console at launch? It's certainly Nintendo's most expensive launch yet. Let's look at previous launches. (All amounts are in US dollars.)

Console	Year	Price At Launch
NES	1985	$199
SNES	1991	$199
N64	1996	$199
Gamecube	2002	$199
Wii	2006	$249

That's been a rather sudden increase. It would appear that this is a horribly overpriced machine, and therefore it's doomed to fail and Microsoft retroactively wins the last generation, right?

Not so fast. Let's adjust these prices for inflation (http://www.usinflationcalculator.com/) and take another look

Console	Year	Price At Launch	Adjusted for Inflation
NES	1985	$199	$425.82
SNES	1991	$199	$336.41
N64	1996	$199	$292.02
Gamecube	2002	$199	$258.86
Wii	2006	$249	$284.10

So when we look at it that way, the Wii U launch price looks downright reasonable, especially when you consider the tablet controller that comes with.

• Nintendo is launching TVii.

Tvii is a free service that interacts with YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, your DVR and live TV, helps you recommend other shows, enables you to catch clips and share them on Facebook, and displays information on your GamePad, like stats for live sports. That service is going to be free for either Basic or Deluxe users.

I really like this. Nintendo has been hesitant to jump in with TV services, but as we've seen with Nintendo, they don't really do something unless they're sure they can pull it off. Here's hoping this works out.

• The games, of course, are the most important thing.

Nintendo has great third-party support for launch, with games like Black Ops 2 coming out. However, what worries me is the lack of strong first-party games at launch. I play Nintendo systems because I like Nintendo's games. I could care less about most third-party games, and I could care even less about Call of Duty games. Yet, Nintendo is offering New Super Mario Bros. Wii U and NintendoLand and that's really it. It gives me chilly flashbacks to the 3DS launch.

We'll see how everything shakes out, but I hope that Nintendo isn't setting themselves up for a 3DS-level crisis out of the gate.

_____________

More news is probably going to trickle out as time goes by, but as of right now, everything looks great. I probably won't be getting a Wii U because of my soon-to-be-born rugrat, but it looks like Nintendo has almost everything set up for a successful launch.

NES Replay: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Dragonstrike

Developer: Westwood
Publisher: SSI
Released: 1990
Trogdor: The Burninator

In NES Replay, we go through each NES game from A-Z to see if they're any good. Today: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Dragonstrike.

Does it matter who makes a game?

This question occurred to me when playing Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Dragonstrike. It's a top-down shooter where you play as a knight riding a dragon. You can switch from flying high in the air to surface-level, and this is used to avoid attacks, kill certain enemies, and navigate narrow corridors.
When I first played the game, I was kind of disappointed. The dragon I chose was slow and the gameplay bored me. I set it aside for a bit and went to look up information about it. What I found surprised me: Dragonstrike was made by Westwood, the same company that made Command & Conquer. I've always enjoyed Westwood's games, as they usually are pretty well-made.

I retook to the skies in Dragonstrike, and this time I enjoyed it. I started to enjoy the sky/ground mechanic, picked a faster dragon, and actually found myself really liking Dragonstrike.

So is this because I discovered it was a Westwood game, or was the quality there all along and I just never noticed it?

This happens frequently among fans of movies, music and other art. For example, which art exhibition will be more highly attended: A random guy's, or a known master? Even if the quality of our theoretical random guy's paintings are the same as the master's, the master will have far more people visiting his exhibition.

If Martin Scorsese makes a weird movie like Bringing Out The Dead starring a pre-crazy Nicolas Cage, people will watch it because it's Scorsese and Cage. If a random guy makes a weird movie that's just as good with an actor no one knows, people won't watch it.

Now, in my case, did I like Dragonstrike better after knowing it was by Westwood? Yes. Did that enter into my decision? I really don't know. It may have been a subconscious decision, the same way that I'm willing to cut Mario games more slack than Rayman, the same way that you're willing to cut a Spiderman movie more slack than a superhero you don't like, the same way that you're willing to cut your favorite band more slack than Nickelback (and if your favorite band is Nickelback, get out).

Either way, I liked Dragonstrike, but not enough to give my highest rating. It's got some neat mechanics to it, as well as some great music tracks. It's at least worth a play, and it raises an interesting question that makes me think.

Final Rating:

Next Week: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance

Who's Agreeing With Me Now

(Apologies to Stephen Colbert for the post title.)

I had an article a while ago that explained what went wrong with the Mega Man series of games. Here's a quote from the article:

If Capcom wants to make 50 RPGs a year in a series no one cares about, fine. Spin off the series. Take the Mega Man name off of it. YOU'RE DILUTING THE BRAND. [...] Mega Man is iconic, and making Generic RPG X or Platformer X and slapping a reference to Mega Man in there is irresponsible and is cheapening your brand.

Lo and behold, a Capcom executive agrees with me!

I (and probably I alone so please don’t ascribe said belief to “Capcom”) think one of the problems MM has had as a brand is that we’ve had too many competing splinter sub-brands within it.

YES! Exactly!

Look, Mario can support sub-brands. He's the most popular video game character in the world, and in every Mario game, you actually play as Mario. Mega Man, while important and well-known, isn't as popular as Mario, and making Mega Man games without Mega Man is just plain irresponsible to the brand. Making tons of Mega Man side-series isn't working. It has to stop.

Fortunately, we've seen that Mega Man releases have slowed down considerably recently. This is a good sign. Capcom might be coming around. Fingers crossed.

The Problem With Deer Hunters

I live in Wisconsin. Every fall in Wisconsin, it's tradition for people to slap on blaze-orange suits and head out into the woods to hunt for deer.

I'm not anti-hunting. I recognize that since farmers in the area stupidly killed all the coyotes and wolves years ago out of fear that they'd start killing their cows, deer-hunting is necessary in order to thin the herd. The majesty of seeing a herd of deer in an open field is lessened considerably when you're worried that they're going to leap into the road and embed themselves in your radiator.

Here's where I have a problem: I was listening the radio this morning to wake up, and an ad played for Farm & Fleet, a regional "Walmart-for-country-bumpkins" store, and they were talking about hunting supplies that they have on sale.

So what hunting supplies do they suggest? Knives? Rifles? Bows? No! Try "infrared two-megapixel cameras" and "laser sights."

These are deer they're hunting, not the Predator. It's kind of an oddly one-sided arms race. The deer aren't getting any upgrades. It's not like you're going to come across a Level 58 Deer Matrox with an AOE attack that drains 20 health per second and spawns Level 12 Deerlings every 45 seconds. No one is outfitting the deer with machetes or tactical body armor.

The deer are already at a bit of an unfair advantage, seeing as how we have guns and they have squishy internal organs. When you add in these extra technological advantages, deer-hunting can only be called a "sport" in the same way that drop-kicking a newborn is "sport."

NES Replay: The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt

Developer: Ocean
Publisher: Ocean
Released: 1993
Wow: Just Wow.

In NES Replay, we go through each NES game from A-Z to see if they're any good. Today: The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt.

Scene: Boardroom.

The PUBLISHER, a fat, cigar-chomping balding man is having a meeting with two young, fresh-faced DEVELOPERS named CHAD and STEVE.

CHAD

Thank you so much for considering us for this project!

PUBLISHER

Yeah, yeah.

STEVE

We promise to do the best we can to deliver the most-

PUBLISHER

I don't really care. Look, if you're going to do this... whatchamacallit game...

CHAD

Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt.

PUBLISHER

Yeah, whatever it is for the Nintendos, there are a few stipulations.

STEVE

Sure! Whatever you need us to-

PUBLISHER

First, remake the old Addams Family game we just released three years ago, the one we made for the NES. The kids are stupid, and they won't notice.

STEVE
But we were going to make a new game, and we had some ideas-

PUBLISHER
Next, here's your artist. He's my son, and he's got a bright future in this industry.

CHAD

Um, sir?

PUBLISHER

Yeah?

CHAD

He's three years old.

PUBLISHER

So?

CHAD

He's not even drawing. He's eating crayons and drooling onto the paper.

PUBLISHER

And? Use that.

STEVE

With all due respect, how can we use that? They're splotches.

"We're trying to encourage him, so be gentle."

PUBLISHER

I dunno, use a computer. Now, about levels.

CHAD

Well, um, we have some great ideas for levels. We have this idea where-

PUBLISHER

You have thirty seconds to draw all the levels for the game based on this layout from the previous Addams Family game.

STEVE

Just thirty? For all the levels?

PUBLISHER

29... 28...

CHAD and STEVE quickly grab pieces of paper and start wildly scratching at them while the PUBLISHER counts down.

PUBLISHER

3... 2... 1. Pencils down. Whaddya got.

CHAD and STEVE hold up their papers, which are full of squiggly lines and odd shapes.

"This is really all we have. Doors and caves and things."

PUBLISHER

Good. Anything else you need to get started?

STEVE

Well, uh, we need sound and music.

PUBLISHER

Geez, you creative types. Whaddya need music for? Music is worthless, it just clutters up things and costs me money. No. No music in this game.

CHAD

Can we at least use the Addams Family theme?

PUBLISHER

Fine, use it for the title screen. But that's all! Take my son's drawings and get out of here. You have three days to make this game or you're fired. GO!

CHAD and STEVE hurriedly take the drawings from the kid, and run out of the office, closing the door behind them.

They rest their backs on the door and exhale.

CHAD

Man, this game is almost not worth the $50 we're getting paid to make it.

Final Rating:

Next Week: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Dragonstrike