Nintendo: All The Right Moves

Let's just come out and say it: The Gamecube was a mistake.

The mistake wasn't so much in the system. It's as solid a piece of hardware as you can get. The controller is good. You wouldn't think it is, but it's intuitive, more than you would expect.

No, the mistake is in the games. Nintendo has made fantastic games, just not enough of them. They constantly changed formats when Sony was championing backwards compatibility. Microsoft went the way of multiplayer gaming, completely taking over in that sector.

So, Sony had variety, Microsoft had multiplayer, and Nintendo had...what again? Oh yeah, some good games every once in a while, and you could plug your Game Boy Advance into it, if you wanted.

However, to quote the movie Elizabethtown (just watched it, loved it): No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. Nintendo shot high, and missed.

Fortunately, with the Wii, they seem to be atoning for past wrongs. Consider: Nintendo realized that they need backwards compatibility. That's a huge jump for them. Nintendo has the most history of any company, save Sega. Sega didn't know how to leverage that history and they died. Nintendo was fast on its way. Now, with the Virtual Console and downwards compatibility with the Gamecube, they've started to repent of their sins in a big way.

Second, the wacky controller. I tried this controller a bit, and I can't really say I'm impressed. However, just because I'm not crazy about it doesn't mean it's a bad idea. Considering how many people love it, it's a fair statement to say they made the right decision by going in a completely unexpected direction.

The biggest reason, though, is Sony's total lack of competence regarding their own launch. How you screw up a launch that badly is beyond me. Chimpanzees might have made better work out of that launch, frankly. It was theirs to lose. When you consider what Sony had - momentum, brand recognition, and downward compatibility - there really should have been no ceiling. But the creepy launch commercials, the typical design problems, the lack of TRUE backwards compatibility, and the parroting of all the successful ideas from other systems was their downfall.

The thing that really made me laugh was Sony's attempt at downloadable games. They copied that idea from Microsoft. A good idea, worthy of copying. However, then they decided they would get Neo-Geo games, parroting Nintendo's Virtual Console. Then they added the motion sensing to their controller, once again parroting Nintendo, which also destroyed the vibration function that Dual Shock users are so used to.

Combined with the increasingly positive press from Nintendo, it signalled an end to Sony's domination, at least for one quarter. Does this signal the end for Sony? Ha. Ha ha.

Remember which company had arguably the worst launch last time around? That's right, Sony. Hardware failures, lack of must-have games...sound familiar? Sony has proven they can bounce back.

So, in other words, Nintendo had a great launch. A really, really great launch. Nintendo made all the right calls, and the right decisions, and figured out what their audience wants, and had just the right amount of luck.

Don't count Sony out, but Nintendo, to this point, has made all the right moves. The Wii deserves the accolades it's getting. Let's hope it continues.

I Pick Poorly, Plus Boo Gamecube

It was obvious, wasn't it?

Obvious that you should NEVER, EVER listen to my picks.

The Saints should have won that game. They gave it away over and over again.

The Patriots had nothing left in the tank at the end, but they were up at the half. I mean, come on!

So, now it's Colts versus the Bears in Super Bowl XLI (I know I said XL in my last column, but that was a lie), and I look like an idiot. That's okay, though.

More on this topic later this week.

In the meantime, I just borrowed my friend's Gamecube. It's passable. I mean, I'm not enthralled and wetting myself. I'll probably play some Metroid Prime, and Zelda: Wind Wanker looks okay, and I love Smash Brothers Melee, but I've got just as many games for my PS2 that are just as good. Plus, I have a ton more games that I want for it.

I'm glad I got the Gamecube bug out of my system, though. I might have otherwise wasted money getting one otherwise. Not that it's a bad system by any means, but there is so little that I have any desire to play, and there's only a few games for it that I can't get for my PS2, like Metroid, Mario, and Zelda.

Now, of those games, I don't like Zelda games, the newer Mario games do nothing for me, Killer 7 and Eternal Darkness don't tickle my fancy, and as far as games like Chrystal Chronicles, I've played approximately 300 action RPGs, and Dawn of Mana is on it's way for the PS2, so why should I bother? It's light on RPGs, my personal favorite genre, all that it has for platformers is Mario and a few other scattered games, I mean, why should I bother?

To illustrate, let's say you're going to go out to eat. You can either get a really good steak, or the buffet that has steak as well. Maybe not as good, but it's still steak. Plus, if you pick the buffet, you get mashed potatoes, green beans, unlimited drinks, and dessert, not to mention the other buffet items, like pizza, chicken, macaroni and cheese, and whatever all else they put in buffets nowadays. What will you pick?

The Gamecube is really good steak. It's good when you're playing it, but you're not getting any more. No variety. The PS2 is the buffet. You're getting a whole lot more choice, and most of it is just as good, if not better.

I'll keep my PS2, and take the buffet, thank you very much.

Obviousness in the NFL Playoffs

Can you honestly say you were surprised?

I am, of course, referring to last weekend's playoff games. Can you say you were surprised that Indianapolis beat Baltimore? Or that New England beat San Diego? Or the Saints beating the Eagles? Everyone and their mother knew that Seattle would lose to Chicago.

For instance, we got really caught up in San Diego's all-around talent that we forgot several key factors:

1) Marty Schottenheimer's playoff performance
2) Marty Schottenheimer's playoff performance
3) Marty Schottenheimer's playoff performance

Once the game was over, it was obvious that this would be the outcome. The Patriots always step it up a notch in the playoffs, and Schottenheimer-coached teams regress. It's a pattern.

On Indianapolis' "stifling" defense, let's get a few things straight. The Chiefs have no quarterback. Larry Johnson is a man without an offensive line. Tony Gonzales is not what he once was, and Eddie Kennison and Sammie Parker do not a receiving corps make. It was obvious that they would look good in that round, and the Ravens kept up the charge.

A quick perusal notes that the Ravens offensive line is not as good as everyone says, what with Jonathan Ogden having more problems that he used to. Steve McNair needs an oxygen canister to stand up, and Jamal Lewis is still having chafing problems from his time in the clink. It's not an overpowering offensive team, and Brian Billick is not an overpowering offensive coach, as much as he likes to think he is. Thus, the game was practically gift-wrapped and handed to the Colts. Obvious.

This brings us to this weekend. What are the obvious points? New England and Tom Brady is great in the playoffs. Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning struggle, historically speaking. The Colts weakness has been rushing. The Patriots have two very talented backs in Corey Dillon and Laurence Maroney. The Colts front four is good, but the Patriots' offensive line is better, and so on and so forth.

Everyone wants to believe that this is the year for the Colts, but it isn't. Defense wins championships, and the Colts haven't faced any offense that put it to the test. The Patriots win this game. Throw out the home-field advantage, because it doesn't matter.

In the NFC, no one was surprised by the outcome of the two divisional games. Chicago and New Orleans were expected to win, and win they did. However, everyone is now talking about Rex Grossman is Getting It Together and can Lead His Team To Victory.

I call shenanigans. Seattle played without three starting cornerbacks. Grossman had it easy. The Saints are old and a little slow in the secondary, but they're fundmentally sound, and healthy to boot. Obvious.

Next, people rattle on about the Bears' defense. A broken-fingered Matt Hasselbeck and a banged-up Shawn Alexander dented the vaunted Bears' behind a line that is no longer one of the best in the NFL. They have a few receivers, but nothing terrifying.

However, the Saints have a healthy, sound QB in Brees, a few rookies who are feeling their oats, and, oh yeah, Deuce McAllister. Forget about him? He's the glue for this team, and he's been their rock all season long.

The Bears may boast and brag about their amazing defense, but the Saints match up very well against them, and will keep them running all game long, en route to trip to Super Bowl XL.

It's obvious.

Giants Make Coaching Change - Jim Fassel Laughs Until Snot Bubbles Out Of His Nose

So, in case you are unaware, the Giants have relieved their offensive coordinator, John Hufnagel, of his play-calling duties, handing them over to Kevin Gilbride. The best part of all of this is Eli Manning's response:

"It's an awkward situation," Manning said of the switch. "I feel it's somewhat my fault."

Really? Really, Eli? The fact that you keep whipping passes into triple coverage got someone demoted? Huh. Imagine that.

"Our offense hasn't been playing real well...It didn't have to do with the coaching or the play calling. We didn't execute or do anything right."

Honesty is the first step, there, Eli.

I'm not an Eli hater, really I'm not. I root for the guy. I have to. He's on my fantasy team.

Regardless, it's time to call a spade a spade. He's not getting it done. Granted, some of this is because an NFL offense is really hard to pick up. Drew Brees didn't really blossom until his 4th year. It takes time, no doubt. Maybe Eli will get it.

However, most of the mistakes he makes are because he doesn't read the coverage. As Tuesday Morning Quarterback will tell you, many of his mistakes can be traced back to lack of discipline. He'll rip off a pass to a clearly covered guy, and he does this a lot.

He's not the only one to blame, though. Plaxico Burress is also to blame. You can see it: when a pass is delivered right on the numbers, it magically slips through his fingers. When he has to stretch and leap to get it, he'll catch it. Fortunately for him, he's playing with Eli Manning, so most passes do not end up right on the numbers. In other words, there's enough blame to spread around for this team.

What's the solution?

Tom Coughlin is almost certainly out after the season. If he isn't, there needs to be an inquest into this. Coughlin runs into these problems everywhere he goes: When he's winning, his totalitarian policies are seen as a "disciplinarian" style. When he's losing, his policies are seen as an "impotent, sulking man-boy" style.

See, if Tom Coughlin was your boss, this is the kind of boss he'd be: He would be standing at the door, fuming, at 10 minutes to 9, tapping his watch and glaring holes in your head as you walked in. When you came in to work, he would call you into his office and explain, veins throbbing in his forehead, that you need to be a "team player," and mention that "Everyone needs to pull their own weight, and frankly, I don't see you doing that." It's virtually unbearable when everything is going well, and when it's not going well, it makes you want to dump your $4.50 venti latte all over his Armani suit, throw the cup at his head, and tell him to commit a degrading act to some type of livestock.

Only after divesting themselves of Coughlin can they actually start fixing these problems. However, it may already be too late for Eli. Eli will probably develop, at best, into a serviceable QB, who might cost you a game here and there, like a Jake Plummer. There may still be time to save this thing, but not this season.

Lost Makes Me Angry

So, I've finally figured out why "Lost" makes me so angry.

It's not the hanging plot details. No, those I expected from Day One.

It's not the slow pace of the show. I like slow-paced shows.

It's not the incessant flashbacks. I think it works perfectly.

I'm angry because they don't have a point.

Here's what I mean: They spent all of Season 2 setting up the Tailies. Ana Lucia, Libby, Eko, all these interesting characters. They give them back stories. (Except for Libby. What was that about? They set this up so mysteriously. "Oooh! She's in the mental institution! Oooh, she ran into Desmond!" AND?!) Eko's back story, in particular, was incredible.

So, what do they do? They kill Ana Lucia and Libby. I'm okay with that. It was a really shocking moment. You didn't expect it. It reinforced the whole "any character can die at any time" thing. No big deal.

Next, there's this big "incident" in the hatch. You spend all season in this hatch, and now, everyone just walks away from it and not another word is said. There was a freaking IMPLOSION in the hatch. And, mysteriously, no one wants to talk about it. Okay, I'm all right.

Now, there might be OTHER people on the island. There's a lady interrogating Jack, and more of the Others that are introduced. Plus, you're pushing to the forefront some other random couple that's been in the background the whole time. As if we need more characters, more balls to juggle. Okay, I'm still okay.

Then they kill Eko.

Now, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. One of the most intriguing characters of last season, Eko was just plain cool. He did everything the island told him to do, all while carrying around a Bible beat-down stick. You give him, not one, but TWO whole episodes of exposition. You save the guy from a polar bear. And for what? Just to kill him?

This is the problem. Much like this blog, Lost is getting more and more unfocused as time goes on. They're not tying anything together.

Take a look at Heroes. Already, halfway through the first season, they're explaining things. You see which direction the show is going. Shows are now being advertised with taglines that basically say, "Watch our show for 10 episodes and we'll explain everything. Scout's Honor."

Does this mean that when Lost comes on for the spring season, I will refuse to watch? Probably not. But I will feel very put out indeed.

Is This Sad?

Is it sad when you own a computer for three months, and are already wishing you could replace it?

Now, it would be downright infuriating if it was due to a technical problem. I would probably have marched over to the company, dropped it on their doorstep, and screamed bloody murder until they replaced it. Or at least this is what I would have done if I were Bizarro Lee and actually enjoyed confrontations or asserting myself.

No, this is for something much more insidious. I WANT A FASTER COMPUTER.

Is my computer fast? Oh yeah. It's fine. Really. I mean, it's faster than the last one I had by a good margin. Here's the problem:

I want SLI.

I really, really want SLI.

For the uninitiated, SLI is a feature on new motherboards which basically allows you to have two identical video cards working in tandem to provide huge benefits in video processing. What does this mean? Imagine that brand new game you bought with all the bells and whistles turned on, with crystal clear graphics. Nary a jagged line in sight.

A thing of beauty, right?

Now comes the hard part: Convincing my wife.

She enjoys video games to a degree. She thinks they're all right. She doesn't understand why I would want to zone out in front of a video game for hours, no matter how pretty it looks. She also doesn't understand why I would want to spend so much money on a computer thingy when it works perfectly fine right now.

I feel kind of guilty about this next part, so bear with me. I think I've taken to deliberately sabotaging this poor little computer.

Now, it's done nothing wrong. Believe me, this is a nice computer I have. Its only fault is its owner.

So I've started leaving the window open nearby it. At night. During rainstorms.

NOT ON PURPOSE.

My last few repairs have gone somewhat bad. A missed jumper here, maybe a little too careless with one of the drives there.

NOT ON PURPOSE.

At this rate, my computer is going to commit suicide rather than have such a careless owner. I'll find it hanging from the ceiling by its power cord with a printed note attached that says "YOUR FAULT."

The one big problem with computers is how harsh the upgrade cycle is. If you want the latest and greatest, you have to keep on top of it. You can't just buy a $4,000 computer and expect it to be the best for the next five years. You have to keep putting more and more new stuff in it. I try explaining this to my dear, sweet wife, but I merely get the response of, "It's fine right now, and you don't need to play any more video games. You've got enough as is."

Sigh. I guess I'll have to go home and practice juggling knives. Right over the computer.

10 Experiences Every Gamer Should Have

1) No One Lives Forever – Feel the breeze in the parachute level. One of the most exhilarating levels in years has you free-falling towards another man’s parachute. Can you kill the soldiers jumping out of the plane after you? Can you steal the man’s parachute before you hit the ground? A very well-done level.

2) Morrowind – Get caught in a dust storm. The sun is blotted out, and you can practically feel the dust in your eyes. Your only thought is to find shelter. It puts you inside the game like no other effect I have seen.

3) Half-Life – The Blast Pit. A giant and blind monster is what separates you from freedom. It hears your steps and slams its beak down in your direction, killing you instantly. How do you avoid it? How do you survive? The answer is in the palm of your hand.

4) Super Smash Brothers Melee – Beat your loud-mouthed friend with a well-timed, fluky throw of a capsule, which makes him throw the controller in anger and punch you in the shoulder. Sure, he’s beaten you repeatedly, and sure, it may just be one win. But man, does it feel sweet.

5) Final Fantasy VII – The End Of Disc One. If you’ve played it, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, you are missing one of the most cinematic, wrenching experiences in gaming history. Don’t let anyone spoil it for you; just play it yourself.

6) Katamari Damacy – Everything about it. The quirkiest, most original game since, well, ever. An indomitable charm that defies description and belief.

7) Donkey Kong Country – Mine Cart Madness. The best mine cart level ever. Combines speed and crazy gambits and danger all in one. The music swells and fills the air with danger. It reminds you why you like games in the first place.

8) Sonic The Hedgehog 2 – The casino level. The first time you set foot in the casino level, you know you’re in for a different experience. Never before had a video game character turned into what amounts to a pinball. The speed and precision of the level is amazing.

9) Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island – Eaten by a frog. You are now in a frog’s stomach, avoiding drops of stomach acid and throwing giant eggs at his uvula. (I said UVULA, you pervert.) An example of when games stop making excuses and just get creative.

10) Rise Of Nations – Crushing your enemies under your jackbooted heel. Something about watching your opponent’s territory shrink, piece by piece, is innately satisfying. It doesn’t get any purer than that.